i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
