so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
