got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
