Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
