I met the friendliest cop last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
