I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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