i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
being pregnant is like rehab
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
