dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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