I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
