Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
