I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
