How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize