he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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