This girl is more easily done than said...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
