My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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