If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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