Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
