is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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