I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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