Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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