Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Randomize
