I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
