I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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