maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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