Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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