Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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