Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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