i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
