call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
