he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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