Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
