I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
