My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
