I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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