woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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