Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
