It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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