Nicole vs. Life
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
