my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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