Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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