Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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