I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
