____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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