If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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