I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
