Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
