Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
