When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
BRING THE BAGELS
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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