She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
