do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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