Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
