roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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