i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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