Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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