K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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