Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
