Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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