i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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