So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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