Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
