the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
