Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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