When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
