She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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