I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Randomize
