YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
