The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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