She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We need a shit load of segways right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
