So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
