I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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