Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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