Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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